Tuesday 17 May 2011

Last night I dreamt of San Pedro

Last night I dreamt of San Pedro
                             It all seems like yesterday, not far away
 
Hola chica´s
 
Indeed and it doesnt seem that far away. Indeed and it was only over the border in Chile. Nice little town it is too but the locals have little or no english so there was a lot of blank staring done when trying to order food and buy things in shops. Luckily I have very expressive eyebrows and a common ground can always be found. Its only a few small streets but the restaurants were a lot nicer than what we had up to that point. There wasnt much too do bar wander around for a bit. The second night we went star gazing which was really good and a bit of a trip highlight which was unexpected. It was a Canadian dude doing the talk which was great to be able to understand him. Theres a shit load more stars in the southern hemisphere so theres actually a lot to look at. He had a laser pointer to point out what he was talking about which was helpful. There is actally a star called Beetlejuice which I was well impressed with. They had a load of telescopes set up so we got to see them more close up. The highlight was seeing saturn in the telescope. I know you see loads of pictures and stuff of it but seeing it in the telescope is really cool. The guide was really enthusiatic as well and it was easy to see why. I´d consider taking it up only theres feck all stars at home. They are building the worlds biggest telesope in Chile right now because it is so high up and so dry its the best conditions for viewing so it´ll be interesting to see what they might discover in future.
 
The next day we had a short trek over to Argentina, just 10 odd hours on the bus is all. No biggie. I started the day by getting sick at the first toilet stop. Its the first time in years I got sick sober and it wasnt pleasant. I had to get oxegen too because of the altitude so all in all a pretty unpleasant day and throw into the mix a border crossing. The joys of travel!  In fairness it was a really cool drive across the antiplano, the scenery literally change every 20 minutes, we even say another salt plain but this one was smaller. We had to hide all our food going over the border because apparently terrorists in this part of the world use ham sandwiches as their weapon of choice, they´ll mustard bomb you the first chance they get. We eventually arrived in Salta which seemed like a really nice city with a great big square and all. I took a wander to get me bearings but headed home when the lads went for food as even the thought of eating was making me gag.
 
The next day we had a totally free day so I decided to have a bit of a wander around the town. There was loads of shops and what not but I was more interested in finding a pub that would be showing the champions league game on that night between Real and Barca. I didnt find it. Still feeling a bit quesy I decided to retire to a cafe and finish The girl with the Dragon Tattoo that I had been reading on the truck and do some people watching. The book was pretty good, turns out the dragon tatto had no significance - I think? Anywho I got word later on about where the match might be on so headed off in me flippy floppys to find the Irish bar a few blocks away. Note to self, never walk anywhere in flip flops, Bastarding things nearly tore the feet off me. I did eventually find the Irish bar, which was closed, but luckily on a street which had nothing but bars. None were showing the match but I decided I deserved a beer for me troubles and so retired to a fine establishment for a libation or two. Eventually got to see the match so I was happy out. Got to see some vintage cars in the city centre doing the Bull run type race I think. Some cool corvettes and porsche's.We went for a meal that night in a typical Argentinian restaurant which served slabs of steak and no locals darkened the door till after 10pm which seems the done thing in them parts. We headed back to the bar street for a few drinks after.
 
We headed off the next day to Salta rafting for a bit of fun adventure activities. Report to follow.
 
To infinity, and beyond....

Thursday 5 May 2011

La Paz times

Hola chico´s

I´m currently corresponding with you from the highest city in the world called Potosi on Bolivia. Go on look it up if you dont believe me. Its 4200 metres up and the altitude here is pretty bad though I m a bit more used to it after being at this general altitude for so long.

The last email finished off in lake Titicaca and let me tell you I felt like a right titicaca after asking around for Lola for the guts of 3 hours. Turns out she worked in a bar called Copacabana not in the actual town. An easy mistake which I´m sure has been made numerous times. Barry Manilow - what a w@nker! Anyway I met some Irish girls on the bus to La Paz and it was nice to be able to talk at normal speed again. My spanglesh is pretty awful. We arranged to meet up for dinner and we were joined by 3 lads from Cork and a nutter from Cavan. We ended up playing some drinking game whilst waiting 2 hours for our steak to arrive. A very sensible and quite conversational evening was had . I only think we are barred because someone dropped their napkin on the floor...

Anyways, moving on as they say, La Paz is a much nicer city than Cusco. The entrance to it is the most impressive of any city I´ve been to. Its basically in this huge hole so its fairly stunning when you get your first full glimpse of the place on the road in. I´d recomend it for that alone. Luckily there is more. The taxis here are a hoot. They dont know any street in the city and just take off in any dirction. Even with the language barrier I´ve made so many taxi friends - "You´re going downtown even though I want to go uptown, O you are a kidder, muchos gracias"

Theres riots here everyday in the main square and the miners let off sticks of dinamite for kicks which make quite the bang. My army shorts selection for an evening stroll was quite the topical fashion choice. Still I got to shoot 5 infidels before anyone copped so fun times. It is a nice city in fairness, lots of squares and mad markets like the witches market. Theres a lunar valley above the city which is supposed to be way cool but I didnt get a chance to see that. Like evey other city I´ve been to its buit on a hill so every walk is a struggle but thats the proce you pay in these parts.

My second day here I met up with the Dragoman tour crowd and its a nice bunch again. 14 in total and a big range of ages but the majority have English as their first language which I must admit was a major relief. Theres 4 Irish people in total as well which is new to me. I´ve always been the sole "token" Irish person so I guess now I´ll have to share the limelight   We just had a minor briefing the first evening and I booked my trip to death road for the next day. It would be me and 3 others from the tour.

We set off at 8 the next morning and headed high up in the hills to do death road. It was fairly cold and windy out but after a briefing from our guide we hit the tarmac road on our way to death road. It was grand and the only main scare was seeing the remains of a van over a cliff. We had to cross a checkpoint because death road happens to be in Bolivia´s second biggest coca plantation - niice. We got to death road at about 11 and started the decent which took about 3 hours. Its real shit when you get on it as in the 40k´s of road there is about 5 barriers on all the bad turns so its pretty much up to you. We would stop every 20 minutes or so and the guide would tell us about the bad turns ahead and how and where people died on the next stretch which fairly focuses the mind let me tell you. After about 7 stints out of 10 I felt confident on the bike and decided to move up front with the big boys and I lasted only that stint. They were flying it and after a high speed scare in a hairpin turn I decided I was up a level too far and went back to the pack.

Ironically enough I thought the stories the guide was telling us on the last few stints was just to keep us wary and vigilent of the road but on literally the last turn of the cycle in the village where we were stopping one of the lads in our group came of his bike and broke his arm. I wouldnt mind but he literally bombed it down death road and then a puddle in a village undone him. Very unlucky but just shows you dont even realise the speed you are doing until someone comes off the bike.

After he was carted off to hospital we went to this animal santuary for lunch and after seeing the amount of bites and the general crustiness of the volunteers I decided to avoid the monkeys and happy I was too. Then we got the final treat of the day in that we had to drive back up death road to get back to La Paz. In the dark. In the rain.In a full van. Going uphill. Luckily we had a game of movie tennis in which my movie buffness(?) came to the fore. I think they were more impressed with my movie knowledge than my bike skills - some achievement.

Anyways thats all for now. I´m in a town called Uyni where the salt plains are. It was amazing. Update will follow.

My name is U-L-T-A-N

Ulstan

Exit through the gift shop

Hola Chico´s

I´m now on my second day in Bolivia in La Paz.

I left Cusco at 10pm on Friday night on an overnight bus to a place called Puno. I decided to plump for the upgraded non kidnap package trip which I think was worth it. The bus was really nice and had big reclining cushy chairs but I didnt get much sleep as the road was so winding and steep that I kept on waking up with night horrors feeelong like I fell alseep on a waltzer. I´m glad it was dark becuase I dont think the view out the uper deck of a bus down the sheer rockface would have eased my mind any. I was talking to a few Irish lads who said theor bus up from the South of Bolivia was stopped by the locals on board because the driver was too drunk. Apparently a little drunkiness is to be expected but this guy had crossed the line. And now I am very happy I will not be travelling by bus any more.

Anyway we arrived ahead of schedule at 4am and so I had some time to kill before I departed for my floating Islands trip at 5.30am. Now thats my idea of a holiday! Its brutal cold here on the mornings till 10am and not having a breakfast did not help. We went to the floating islands and we were told we may or may not be invited in by the locls to see their gaffs and to talk with them so it was all very ¨Ooo I wonder will we get to meet any of these reclusive types¨ kinda thing. We neednt have worried cause about 10 boats pulled up and I didnt see one have to move on from an unwelcomed island. They gave us the brief lowdown on how they made the island yada yada and then we were invited to theor house before being swiftly guided outside to where they had all there rugs/pillow cases/arts n crafts things for a very un modest amount as well may I add. Maybe its the old romantic in me but it just spoiled the whole experience when you are shepparded over to buy their wares after a few mintes. It doesnt feel so authentic or something. As it turns out I heard from other people afterwards that they dont even live on the islands. They just turn up for the tourists and head back to the mainland - La vita รจ bella

After that we headed further out in the bay to visit a second Island called Tequille island which had its own tribe of people as well but who lived in normal gaffs it was just their way of living and customs that made them different. The women apparently come on to the men and they have these wolly pom poms with different colours - one for good mood, one for bad, and they wear them around accordingly. Sounds like an ingenius system really. The boys/men wear hats in certain ways to show their age/marital status and importance. The guide was showing how you´d wear the cap back to front first and then to the side and then certain folds. It was like watching the evolution of cap wearing. I wonder weather the rappers have a similiar system. Note to self - contact snoop doggy dogg when I get home. The have a system on the island which is really equitable. Each family takes turns in hosting a tour and providing the lunch so no one family is favoured over another. This seemed a lot more genuine than the floating village crowd. As it happened it was the best damn dinner I had in Peru - fried trout with chips and rice, I´d highly recomend it peoples.

Update on death road will follow. Stay tuned. Same bat station, same bat channel

Adios Amigos

Ultan

Sunday 17 April 2011

Notes on a sandal

Hola Chico´s
This is my last day in Cusco and I just have some musings to share before I leave.
Number 1 is the altitude. It. Is. Killer! I feel like an old man every time I go for a walk I need a sit down. Am I getting to old for this shit? If you ever do head this way make sure and have some meds sorted for it. Or maybe its just me.
Number 2 Peruvians look very asian to me. Some of them dont even look a generation removed and it must explain their fondness for rice, plain rice that is, with all their dishes which I cant say I´m mad keen on. The hostel I am in has an Irish breakfast on the menu and say what you want about the drinking habits of the Irish when abroad I think if this is the only contribution we make to Peruvian Society then all the better for it I say. Nothing wrong with a hearty meal in the morning.
Paper napkins. What is the deal here. You get one single square of napking along with your knofe and fork and spoon. You might as well not offer anything at all. Its insulting really. Unless there was some catastrophic accident down the napkin factory for which the cointry is still recovering then I regret this outburst. Otherwise sort it out peoples. 
Shoe shining seems to be big business here. I dont know whether I havent noticed it in other countries I´ve been but in every square in every town there are at least a few people offering to shine shoes and even my dilapidated runners. I shouldve let the lad have a go cause I dont know what he could do with them.
Facebook is officially the default website to logon to now. I noticed it before on holidays but this year is ridiculous in the hostel. No one seems to check emails or news websites or anything anymore but facebook. For those who dont have it resistance is futile, come to the darkside!
I'm kind of reminded of christmas with all the wooly jumpers/zip top fleeces all the back packers wear here. It looks like topman had a sale of those nerdy christmas jumpers that they do for christmas except the design is all llamas instead of christmas trees. Same difference from a distance if you ask me.

Photocopying seems to be big business in South America for some reason. Theres a photocopias shop on nearly every street. Dont they just use work  photocopiers like I do? I´ve said too much....

Hairdressers; they get their haircut at all times of evening night. I seen a girlgetting herhaircut at 9.30 in the pm. When does she do her ironing I ask? Middle of the night? Wouldnt surprise me, nothing would surpise me... WILLIAM!

Thursday 14 April 2011

Putting the purr in Peru

Hola Chico's

Greetings from Peru. Its very high up here, 3500m, and I was sick as a dog the first few days but I'm over all that now you'll be delighted to hear. I'm just back from doing the Inca Trail yesterday and it was amazing but I was completely knackered after it. It was a 4 day multi sport option trip I did and it really was all go.

The first day we got collected at 8 and headed high up for the mountains so we could bike it down from the top. It was really misty and wet at the beginning and at a few points all I could see was the yellow line on the road to guide me and going down those windy mountain roads at a nice little speed is pretty scary but I managed not to go over the egde so its all good. Death road should be a piece of piss now! The more we got down the mountain the warmer it got plus the worse the roads got so we went from being drenched on good roads to getting sun burnt on these really bummpy dirt roads but it was great fun. The group I was in consisted of 22 and 20 of them were from Israeil. I was the cat amoung the Jewish pigeons! Listening to them talk Hebrew sounds like a flem contest but they were grand. A bit clicky to say the least but I got on well with the other non Israeili girl on the trip. When we finished the bikes we went to our "hostel" and played a few games of footy for the evening which was nice. Somene told me the histel was 5 star and I believe them cause I could see 3 of them through the hole in my bedroom ceiling wha?

The next day we started the trek on the Inca trail and old dumbass here had to bring pretty much all his stuff in the big rucksack while everyone else had their slick little backpacks containing just the right amount and weight. 6 friccin hours I had to lug that thing around on the Inca trail. Me shoulders felt like rock at the end of it. Luckily I was able to get rid of it cause one of the guides had to go vote in the elections in town. Did you know every single person in Peru has to vote or else you face a fine which apparently is fairly hefty by local standards. Thats one way of keeping democracy alive and well. We had a 3 hour trek in the afternoon but this was on much more level dirt roads and as half the group went on ahead in the van it was much quicker moving so it wasn't too bad. Fairly knackered again by the time we finished so just had food and went to bed. The food isnt great here. Its mostly watery soup as a starter and the main is always plain rice, chips and some sliver of meat to go with. I got a steak the other night and it was basically the same slice you'd get for packaged beef slice in aldi! Bring on Argentina

The third day we had the option to go zip lining in the valley which I went for straight away. The instructer was this big thick German headed guy who was hilarious giving the instructions. He was only a few phrases away from say ze papers are not in order!The zip lining was cool but the only drawback was you had to hike up the mountain with all the harnesses on which were restrictive to say the least. The major thing I've noticed here on all the activitys is the complete lack of health and safety. They tell you how to do something and its up to you to use your common sense to not fall off the cliff or whatever. Theres no one pouring water on the floor of supermacs over here making a claim.

The main course arrived yesterday. The town at the base of Machu Piccu, Aguas Calientes, is far and away the nicest town in Peru. Its got nice hotels and restaurants and all mod cons. I'd forgot what that was after all the rest of the crappy towns I seen. We set off at 4 am to trek up the mountain and I have to say it was brutal. It was cold, raining and the steps were just killer. They are rocks laid down so there is no uniform size and the longest stretch of steps not broken up by windy road up is the last bit and it nearly broke me. In summary, take the bus. But in fairness it was all worth while to see Machu Piccu. I cant remember what age I was in primary school when I first seen it in a history lesson but it was a real thrill to see it up close after all those years. To think of the hardship they must have went through to make it was unbelievable. There wouldnt be a household without a major book publishing contract to tell their stories. In fairness its actually a really nice town and once it warmed up around 10 it was gorgeous with the weather and the views were stunning. The Inca's might have been engineering experts and what not but they like an ould view out the kitchen window too after a hard days slog. It started to get busy so I left just after lunch - stupid lamo tourists and their stupid comfortable buses. At least my feet had honest, pride giving blisters and superior moral aches and pains, that'll show them.

Anyways back in Cusco now and have to organise a trip onto LA Paz via Copacabana on Lake Ticitaca. I'll call in and see how Lola is getting on in the showgirl business.

Hasta Luego

Ultan

Tuesday 5 April 2011

Greetings, salutations and peace to the nations

Hello there

This is my blog, Ive never seen a blog so I presume its like this. I will be updating this over the next few weeks charting my progress around South America so if youre interested/bored/etc please have a look and hopefully enjoy. The previous Holiday posts are included below to give you an idea

As always I value your complaints and negative feedback so please forward all related correspondance to whogivesafuck@idont.com

This is your intrepid correspondent

Ultan

Africa - Livingstone I presume

Muli shani

Greetings from Livingstone in Zambia peoples. I've been here at the falls the last 2 days and I'm just gathering up me bags and baggage to head off to the airport later. Cramming too much stuff into a bag - it must be my favorite part of any holiday. Lisa I promise not to kill your bag after I lost half of it last year!

We got to see a load of animals on the cruise in Chobe National Park. There was a ton of elephants and hippo's and they are very relaxed with the boats around them as we could pull right up to them for photo's and they barely bothered to acknowledge us. There was a lot of birds and that kind of stuff that pleased the Germans on Board no end - whats with them and their stamp collections and fascination with the generally dull stuff on holiday.

We headed for the border to Zambia on Tuesday morning and we had a fairly smooth crossing considering all things as it only took us about 90 to cross by ferry whereas another tour group we met told us they were waiting 3 hours to cross when we arrived. Its a beautiful system they have here at the border crossings. Theres a clear hierarchy system that goes something like whites in jeeps, blacks in cars, tour company trucks followed by the lowest of the low truck drivers. Theres this big made argument everytime the ferry comes in which is every 5 minutes and all the truckers do be giving out stink about all the smaller cars/trucks getting ahead of them. All the cops there are just looking off into the distance daydreaming about how they will spend their "compensation" from the white folk for skipping in. At least one truck barges on each ferry and then we go through the process all over again.

For some odd reason Irish passport holders dont have to pay the $50 fee at the border which was nice, I think we are the only country outside of africa that applies to so apparently those missionary's did some good. We got a tour of Victoria Falls pretty much as soon as we landed in Livingstone which was just after lunch. It is amazing to see up close. Apparently its 10.5 million cubic litres per second falling in and we got a right drenching walikng around. Theres this permanent rainbow in the valley from all the spray and at certain points its a full circle if you squint your eyes. The town of Livingstone is your typical busy african town. Its one big long street of shops and markets and its nice to walk around in. We went back yesterday to the falls to watch one of the lads do the bungy off the bridge by the falls and I was glad I had done the skydive cause I nearly had a heart attack looking at it.

So thats all from me for now. Hope you enjoyed the emails and maybe you might be wandering these parts some day yourself and we can compare notes. This is your intrepid african correspondent Ultan Dillon signing off.

peace, love and sunscreen

Ultan alikuwaafrica

Africa - A man walks down the street

A man walks down the street
It's a street in a strange world
Maybe it's the Third World
Maybe it's his first time around

Howzit and Dumelang

Greetings from Botswana y'all. I've finally hit the heat again after a few days rain and overcast conditions but by the sounds of it I'm still trumping the weather at home by a long way, whats goin on there? Sort it out or I will buy that can of whoopass they have so cheap here.

I think I've finally hit what I had in my mind as Africa. The bottom 2 thirds of Naminia is all white folk farms dotted every few hundred miles but here in the North its very much where the original Namibians live and its much more lively for it. After we left Etosha National Park we headed just out the road to a San bushman camp. They were the nomadic tribes who used to roam the planes surving off the dessert plants. They used to live in Etosha National Park until the goverment kicked them out and so we went to where they were moved which is a very remote mud hut village surrounded by scrub. Their dress sense can only be described as "liberal" and when our guide came to do the tour with us wearing only a animal skin type speedo I couldnt help think of the waynes world quote and yes it was a trifle unnecessary to see the crack in the San bushmans bottom!

They should us around their village and the surrounding wood showing us methods they had to find water from plants and medicines from the roots and such like. May I just point out it was no thrill to see the womens tits, they had nipples like the tops of baby bottles and I mean literally, I guess porn mags probly arent a big seller in this part of the world. We went back to camp for dinner and they got out the guitar and I played them some tunes which highly amused them. They did chant "one more tune" which I thought was a nice touch. We got talking to 2 of the techers in the local school who werent too full of high praise. They told us they are all on goverment pensions and they dont have to do anything for it. Apparently all they do is sit around getting drunk and making babies which you can understand to a degree, why do something difficult when its all handed on a plate. Apparently the tribe have no ambition or desire to even leave the village but
the only way forward he could suggest was that they totally change who they are which explains at least the old folks attitude. The only future they have is to conform and act like everyone else which is sad really but such is life.

We headed on to a town called Rundu towards the Botswanan border and this was Africa as I expected. The town is right on the Angolan border so it is really buzzing with people and they are all black! How bout that. Its a real typical town in that although its mad busy and hectic actually buying things or going to an atm is the slowest thing in the world. They are all so laid back they are practically horizontal. I qued for 15 minutes at one atm and just abandoned it as people were just there talking in the que and others would wander up and use it and then there were security guards intent on having a full blown conversation with everyone that used it. You just have to take a deep breath and say T.I.A - this is Africa. You'll go mad otherwise.

We crossed over into Botswana there last week for a 2 night stay in the Okavango Delta and it was amazing. After all the desert and prairies and just general land we had covered it was amazing to see this huge swamp area in the middle of it all. The river begins as usual up in a mountain but instead of going to the see it just stops and seeps into and under the desert. Come to think of it, it probly just cant be arsed to go all the way to the sea. We got these wood carved boats called Makoro's poled by the locals out to the islands to bushcamp our first night. The guide was telling us that as there was no fence to keep the animals out if we went to go to the toilet at night we needed to flash our torches to see if there were any lions, cheetahs, elephants etc and if so to return immediately to our tents. I was just thinking if I get up to use the toilets and I see said animal looking back at me as I get out of the tent I will do the toilet in me pants
there and then no problems. Luckily there were no such instances but we could here the hiipo's in the water a good bit and the occasional growl from I dont want to think what.

We went for a safari walk the next morning at 6am and unfortunately we saw nothing bar a few birds. The guide looked disappointed so he tried showing us all the different animal shit to prove they were knocking around, I was reminded of the optimist joke of the kid who wakes up christmas morning to horseshit and thinks he got a horse. Anyway we headed to another island which was far more comfortable. They had permanent tents there with beds in it which is what I imagined I would be staying in the whole holidy, ah well at least I did see one so I know I'm not crazy. The bar had a hammock and I'm not joking you I'd still be there if we didnt have to leave. Theres just something about lying in a hammock sipping a beer that says "fuck off world, I'm on holiday"

But alas leave we did and back on to the ferry with two motorbike engines to ferry us and our large truck and 40 odd Botswanians (?) across the river. I was nearly as scared as the skydive when we pulled out of the "harbour", I was convinced the truck would topple. It didnt. I'm ok. Before you ask. We spent one more night in Namibia and we're back in Botswana at a real swanky resort. We're only in the campsite but having white skin is like carrying a gold club credit cred, ain't nobody gonna give me shit! Isnt stereotypical racism great sometimes! Anyway I'm off on a cruise this eveing to see some hippo's, elephants, aligators and what have you. I've seen 3 of the big 5 so who knows I might catch the other 2 before I leave.

Hope everyone is well and enjoying the Easter break. I was well looking forward to a nice chocolate Ice cream yesterday but of coarse we hit the one shop (probly not just that one) that has none. If only Jesus could relate to my pain.....

Laters

Africa - I've watched the rains down in Africa

It's gonna take a lot to take me away from you
There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do
I bless the rains down in Africa
Gonna take some time to do the things we never have

Greetings All

As most of you will be delighted to know not only is that line a quote of a classic choon by toto but also I have unfortunately seen the rain down in Africa but more of that later.

Its been a quite few days this last week in comparrisson to the first week in that I havent fell out of any canoes and/or planes this week but I'll try to buff it up to make it sound as entertaining as I can. The day after we left ze efficient German town of Swakupmond we headed up the coast north to a place called Cape Cross which also happens to be one of the biggest seal colonies in the world and let me tell you that within 2 minutes of getting of the bus you can smell for yourself how genuine that claim is! Lots of barking noise too, awful pleasant things they are, I suggest anyone to make a pet of them. Theres a cross there too cause some portugese fella landed there back in the day but he really should have kept going. Its just south of Skeleton coast and needless to say its not the best place to go sailing, very foogy which is surprising as you can see the dunes in the desert from the beach - very eerir place inthe mornings.

Anyway we headed back inland up north to a mountain called Spitzkoppe which bears an uncanny resemblence to the matterhorn if anyone has seen that. We got a walking tour up to this place called bushmans paradise which really was beautiful. It gets flooded every year in the rainy season but its totally enclosed at the top of the mountain so you have this valley at 1200 feet above sea level. We got to see the ancient bushmans cave drawings and although they wouldnt win any Texeco art competitions you had to respect that they had lasted for the odd couple of thousand years - take that crayons. The next day we took a walk around the "town" which consisted of one shop, in which you could get anything from a bar of chocolate to half a truck axel, a few assorted huts/houses, lots of old mercedes on bricks for some reason and a school. We went in thier and took some photos with the kids. They were all mesmorised by the fact they could see themselves in the
digital camera and posed accordingly for 50 gagillion* photo's. I played some footy with the lads as well and as a side note I scored a peach of a half volley but I didnt celebrate too much, I was just happy I could share my skill.

We headed on later towards Etosha National Park and just before we reahed our campsite in the last stover town we saw a Giraffe so that was pretty cool. We happened to reach our campsite to coincide with Namibias Annual Bikers festival. Needless to say they're as rough and rednecked as they are at home. Tattoo's and beer guts and you should have seen the lads wha? We went to the campsite next door but luckily not before getting treated to an all night Karaoke till 3am covering all the hits as lady Gaga's pokerface and other assorted German/Afrikaans hits.

Anyways we arrived at Etosha National Park the next day and we went off for an evening safari in the truck and we got to see a load of stuff like Giraffe, Zebra, Wildebeast, Springbok, Oryx, Ostrich and assorted birds and topped it off with a female lion. The photo's look like any you'd see in a magazine but it is a big thrill seeing them up close and I'm delighted I got to do it. That first night it rained and thundershowered all night so we woke up pitched in a mini lake but at least the tents proved waterproof. The next day we were heading to our next campsite and we got to see a male lion just after he killed a springbok. It was really cool.

I hope thats some more news to keep you's interested. As per the last email you can still forward any complaints to that email address, I have a team set up and waiting to reply in a timely manner. Heard United lost last night. Phil Brown lost his job! Whats the world coming to?

Hope everyone is well.

Laters

Ultan

Africa - Namibia

Howzit goin as they say in these parts

2 issues to clear up, the cc line does not indicate hierarchy in the emails and secondly Monica you are now included, my apologies, theres always one.

Anyways on with the show. I've been in Namibia since last Friday night and its been amazing. I think I'm finally getting used to the whole assembling/sleeping in/disassembling a tent the next morning routine that we are into now but it wasnt easy let me tell you but I figure if its good enough for the likes of Shakleton, Hilary and other notable like minded visionary explorers like meself its good enough for me! The group I'm in is 11 people in total which is half the capacity of the bus which is good as when the sun beems in the windows, which it does everyday, you can sit on the seat nearest the aisle for a little more protection from the sun. The bus is fairly basic, its built more for sturdiness than comfort but seeing how we've done about 800 miles in this first week I guess I'll take that.

The first day we done the Cape of good hope and it was windy as hell but was stunning views, got to see me first Ostrich as well which was nice. We camped the first night in North South Afica - if you get me meaning - and it was baltic but thankfully not a sign of things to come which I intially thought having packed only t-shirts and 1 long sleeve jumper. I was a little under prepared to say the least, I had no pillow or pj's or nothing. I was expecting some colonial style permanent wooden tarpolin tent covered things but it turns out its more the aldi make-it-yourself variety that I've had to become accustomed too. The group are all very well travelled and there are a few heading all the way to Nairobi on this trip which is 45 days in total - and to think of the abuse I got off some of you for taking a mere month! I'm glad I had my holiday last year so I can use the phrase "well when I was in asia....." There are a sound bunch though, I'm the baby of
the group, there all mostly early 30's right up to a couple who are in they're 50's I think.

The day after we arrived in Namibia we went canoeing on the Oranje river which was nice until I capsized and was violently hurtled half a mile down river till I swam to shore, I lived to tell the tale so its all good. We traveled on later that evening to see Fish River Canyon which is the worlds second largest canyon dont you know, very similar to the grand I thought. We got to see the sunset over that which was pretty cool. The next day we headed for the desert which is dry and hot - who knew. I managed not to get burned alive so I'm happy with that. We got up the next morning at 5.30am to see the sun rise over the dunes which was amazing and running down the side of a dune is really good fun, I recomend! We got a tour of the desert by an san bushman after that who talked in the click language which I thought was hilarious. He kept doing the ali G finger snap thing which kept me highly amused, the factual stuff was entertaining too, apparently they
dance to digest there food - I suppose thats why theres lots of fat white men, prbly be me one day come to think of it

We did a bush camp 2 nights ago so I got to sleep out under the stars which wasnt as bad as I thought. The lads from intrepid kept on messing that there would be wild animals roaming around but I didnt come across any so thank jebus for that. We arrived in this German resort town yesterday and it is very vell organised, all ze straze are in ze best efficient order and ze crais is mighty! I did me skydive yesterday and I have a dvd you're all going to enjoy - I was sweating like jill dando trying to get the key in the lock! Shouted for Ireland though and I had me kildare jersey on  so I kept it real ffor my homies in Cill Dara yo yo. I went sandboarding this morning which was crap doing the stand up one but great fun doing the slide on your belly on a piece of plywood - I got 63kph on me 2 runs!

Anyways thats all for now, the internet coverage here is crap so it'll probly be another week before you here from me. Heard Ireland got beat in the 6 nations by Scotchland - WTF?  Hope your all keeping well. there is a few postcards on the way, I didnt get everyone so if you have any complaints please forward them to whogivesafuck@Idont.com

laters

Ultan

Africa - Capetown

Howzit Peoples

I'm just finishing up the first leg of me trip with me sister Sinead and her husband Allan. Its absolutely flown in. When I arrived the first day there was a load of misty rain and I thought here we go but its been in the high 20's everyday since. Theres a hell of a gusting wind in these parts so its pretty cool to be out in it but that just means you'll get a sneaky burning but I've pretty much avoided that so far.

I've got to see a load of the sights around, I was in Robben island this morning and to be honest it was no Auswitz, I could probably piss in 20 years no bother, sure the views are stunning, what else would you want! But seriously it was good, I'm noticing my last couple of holidays always involve a trip to a prison/camp/brutal regime what have you. As Pat kenny would say its horrendous and brutal but highly entertaing.

I got to go see a super 14 rugby match here on Saturday evening after watching the Ireland - Wales game and it was class. We were sat in the corner of the stadium but we got 2 tries and a guy got knocked out right in front of us so we were fairly lucky to have all the entertainment in front of us. The minute I walked into the stadium I seen a lad across the way in a Munster Jersey, you cant go anywhere. We went back to me sisters place and had a braai (bbq) which they have perfected to a fine art thanks to the weather, they dont be burning or nothing. I had ostrich sausage (no sniggering) which was nice.

We travelled a good bit around the area and up to the wine country which is very classy. It basically is a big sunny exteded version of the K Club, all the lakes are fake, all the lawns manicured to within an inch of their lives. The blacks are free here but they seem to have ended up with all the shittiest jobs and lots of them too. We were leaving a shopping centre and there was a girl there to put the ticket in the toll barrier machine for you! I mean come on! Job satisfaction how are ye. The wine country area is pretty stunning, a lot like the canyon in America I think, its big country that just goes on for hundreds of miles.

Anyways I'm going to go now as this is my 3rd attempt to send this goddamn thing, the second draft was hilarious I'll have you know, I'm gutted for you more that you missed it. O well. Hope everyone is well. Let us know if the unions get us our money back

Belated Happy Paddys day

Laters

Ultan

Goooooooooooooood morning Vietnam

Hey, nearly broke the sound barrier on that one

Greetings from Saigon/Ho Chi Minh city peoples. This is my last holiday email :( so forgive me if I get a bit emotional.

Phnom Penh was quite an experience, its so run down and smelly - its basically a third world city and I'd never seen one of those before. The people were friendly though, they dont have the hard edge you normally get from city folk everywhere else. They smile at you when you're walking on the street - insert smart comments here - but it does seem to be genuine. I found a cool bar called the forign correspondence club which was where all the journalists used to go back in the war days. Its got a real colonial feel about the place and its full of ex-pats and the food is superb and nice to have some western didhes for a change I must admit.

We also went to the killing fields and the jail and that was fairly gruesome. You could see the rags of clothes of the dead in the killing fields which really hit home how recent it was. After that we visted the school our group leader Kakada runs in his village. It would put you to shame how enthusiastic he is about education and all the things we take for granted. Its so corrupt here that the officials only want to run schools for bribes. To learn English is like your meal ticket to a decent life.

I arrived in Saigon 2 days ago after a fairly tough journey and border crossing. The heat is the hardest thing to deal with. We had our last group meal on Monday night and went our seperate ways. I've been organising day trips and city tours since myself and to be honest I think I've hit the wall culture wise. I'm a bit too tired to organise another so I'm just spending today wandering around the city. Im a rittle ronery I must admit, I miss having people around I know that I can crack jokes to but I do realise this is the last of heat and sun I'll have for a while so I'm not holing myself up in the hotel room feeling too sorry for meself. I'll be cursing I ever came home I'd say after 2 days :)

The traffic here is mental, if theres 5000 bicylces in Beijing Katie Melua, then Ho Chi Mins 6 million mopeds/motorbykes/cyclos shit all over your song. I might just write one about that when I get back. The traffic doesnt stop at pedestrian crossings - you just have to mosey on over the road and I dont think I'll get used to it. I got a cyclo this morning to the war remnents museum and the lad was constantly chatting to me tapping me on the shoulder and arm. They're friendly folk but I cant understand half of it. I got a motorbike lift back then and fuck me thats the scariest I've got yet. The tuk tuks in Bangkok have nothing on this.

Anyhoo thats all for now. Hope you enjoyed my travelogs peoples. I will be hosting a quiz when I get back so I will know who paid attention :)

Ultin tin au Thailand/Cambodge/Vietnam

Asia - Cambodia

Sou Sdei

Greetings from Cambodia peoples. Its been a pretty amazing trip. I'm in a place called Sihanouk Ville in the south of Cambodia right now. I'm suffering from some bad burns from sunning myself on a beach yesterday, I know Sarah, I'm sorry. We went snorkling too and visited 3 islands in the bay. This is a resort town but as its only 15 years old its very undeveloped and its different seeing fields so close to a beach.

I did the homestay about 2 nights ago and while the day in the village with the folk was great - they had they're New Year celebrations while we passed through - the night was one of the hardest I've had on the trip. No air-con and this gecko decided to scare the living bee jesus out of me by squeling at me all night. Only that I had the mosquito net I would have been a goner I'd say. Went to see ankor Wat and all the temples. That was amazing too and the weather was 45 degrees celcius. Got to see the tomb raider type temples with the trees growing on top and over the temples. Its a shame cause the place looks like its about to fall apart any minute but they cant afford the restoration costs.

I seem to be hitting all these hot spots politically at the moment with the missile launch when I was at the DMZ and the protests in Thailand. Luckily I left Bangkok the day it all kicked off so it didnt affect me. I got to do some trekking in the jungle today, needlessly to say I wouldnt have lasted 2 minutes ina war out here. I was dropping sweatlike it was goin out of fashion, charlie would have me picked off in no time. I'm off to the capital Phnom Penh tomorrow and I'm not expecting too much, it looked like a shithole when I passed through on the way here though we will go to see the killing fields so that will be fairly sobering I imagine.

Li Huay

Ultan

Asia - Cambodia

Harro again

Just a quick update, again. I'm knackered today, I was up at 5.15am this morning to go watch the sunrise at anghor wat which was pretty amazing. I think I'm getting a colour cause it was 45 degrees today and fairly humid to boot as well.

We went to a floating village on the lake near here yesterday called the tunle sap and that was pretty unreal. The people literally live on the water in houses on stilts and most of it is pretty ramshackle conditions and they have farms and everything and it just all seems a bit cruel. They also line up waiting for the tour boats to come in so they can come over to beg. It wasnt a great experience but an experience all the same. I got a massage off a blind dude yesterday, that was nice once I got over a fit of the giggles. Anyway we're off on public bus to another town tomorrow called Kampong cham  by public bus whic has karaoke apparently!! and its the homestay after that.

I've tried a few dishes of the local food and its all been really nice bar one meal and that was spring roles - I thought that was the least adventurous option. The food is mostly pork/chicken/beef/fish with rice so you cant go too far wrong.

Happy easter everyone. Buddha's dont do easter eggs :(

Ultan

Asia - South Korea

Harro peopres

Hope all werr. Korea is quite a spot. Seour rooks rlike arr the other major cities only its spotress and there practicarry no viorence. Its the safest major city I've been in anywhere and there's no graffiti or rippy young wans anywhere. The owrwans give you more hassre gawking you out of it but thats about it. I was up at the DMZ today. I was hoping there'd be some major farr out with the missire being raunched and I'd be at the centre of some internationar incident but it wasnt to be :( there just busting my bawrrs

Anyways I'm outta here on Tuesday going on to Bangkok so we're going to a karioke bar tonight and a big theme park tonorrow. I'm all cultured out for now. I'll hit you's another mail in a few days

Hope arr is werr

Urtan

Start

Hello there

This is my blog, Ive never seen a blog so I presume its like this. I will be updating this over the next few weeks charting my progress around South America so if youre interested/bored/etc please have a look and hopefully enjoy

As always I value your complaints and negative feedback so please forward all related correspondance to whogivesafuck@idont.com

This is your intrepid correspondent

Ultan