Notes on a sandal

Hola Chico´s

This is my last day in Cusco and I just have some musings to share before I leave.

Number 1 is the altitude. It. Is. Killer! I feel like an old man every time I go for a walk I need a sit down. Am I getting to old for this shit? If you ever do head this way make sure and have some meds sorted for it. Or maybe its just me.

Number 2 Peruvians look very asian to me. Some of them dont even look a generation removed and it must explain their fondness for rice, plain rice that is, with all their dishes which I cant say I´m mad keen on. The hostel I am in has an Irish breakfast on the menu and say what you want about the drinking habits of the Irish when abroad I think if this is the only contribution we make to Peruvian Society then all the better for it I say. Nothing wrong with a hearty meal in the morning.

Paper napkins. What is the deal here. You get one single square of napking along with your knofe and fork and spoon. You might as well not offer anything at all. Its insulting really. Unless there was some catastrophic accident down the napkin factory for which the cointry is still recovering then I regret this outburst. Otherwise sort it out peoples. 

Shoe shining seems to be big business here. I dont know whether I havent noticed it in other countries I´ve been but in every square in every town there are at least a few people offering to shine shoes and even my dilapidated runners. I shouldve let the lad have a go cause I dont know what he could do with them.

Facebook is officially the default website to logon to now. I noticed it before on holidays but this year is ridiculous in the hostel. No one seems to check emails or news websites or anything anymore but facebook. For those who dont have it resistance is futile, come to the darkside!

I'm kind of reminded of christmas with all the wooly jumpers/zip top fleeces all the back packers wear here. It looks like topman had a sale of those nerdy christmas jumpers that they do for christmas except the design is all llamas instead of christmas trees. Same difference from a distance if you ask me.

Photocopying seems to be big business in South America for some reason. Theres a photocopias shop on nearly every street. Dont they just use work  photocopiers like I do? I´ve said too much....

Hairdressers; they get their haircut at all times of evening night. I seen a girlgetting herhaircut at 9.30 in the pm. When does she do her ironing I ask? Middle of the night? Wouldnt surprise me, nothing would surpise me... WILLIAM!

Putting the purr in Peru

Hola Chico's

Greetings from Peru. Its very high up here, 3500m, and I was sick as a dog the first few days but I'm over all that now you'll be delighted to hear. I'm just back from doing the Inca Trail yesterday and it was amazing but I was completely knackered after it. It was a 4 day multi sport option trip I did and it really was all go.

The first day we got collected at 8 and headed high up for the mountains so we could bike it down from the top. It was really misty and wet at the beginning and at a few points all I could see was the yellow line on the road to guide me and going down those windy mountain roads at a nice little speed is pretty scary but I managed not to go over the egde so its all good. Death road should be a piece of piss now! The more we got down the mountain the warmer it got plus the worse the roads got so we went from being drenched on good roads to getting sun burnt on these really bummpy dirt roads but it was great fun. The group I was in consisted of 22 and 20 of them were from Israeil. I was the cat amoung the Jewish pigeons! Listening to them talk Hebrew sounds like a flem contest but they were grand. A bit clicky to say the least but I got on well with the other non Israeili girl on the trip. When we finished the bikes we went to our "hostel" and played a few games of footy for the evening which was nice. Somene told me the histel was 5 star and I believe them cause I could see 3 of them through the hole in my bedroom ceiling wha?

The next day we started the trek on the Inca trail and old dumbass here had to bring pretty much all his stuff in the big rucksack while everyone else had their slick little backpacks containing just the right amount and weight. 6 friccin hours I had to lug that thing around on the Inca trail. Me shoulders felt like rock at the end of it. Luckily I was able to get rid of it cause one of the guides had to go vote in the elections in town. Did you know every single person in Peru has to vote or else you face a fine which apparently is fairly hefty by local standards. Thats one way of keeping democracy alive and well. We had a 3 hour trek in the afternoon but this was on much more level dirt roads and as half the group went on ahead in the van it was much quicker moving so it wasn't too bad. Fairly knackered again by the time we finished so just had food and went to bed. The food isnt great here. Its mostly watery soup as a starter and the main is always plain rice, chips and some sliver of meat to go with. I got a steak the other night and it was basically the same slice you'd get for packaged beef slice in aldi! Bring on Argentina

The third day we had the option to go zip lining in the valley which I went for straight away. The instructer was this big thick German headed guy who was hilarious giving the instructions. He was only a few phrases away from say ze papers are not in order!The zip lining was cool but the only drawback was you had to hike up the mountain with all the harnesses on which were restrictive to say the least. The major thing I've noticed here on all the activitys is the complete lack of health and safety. They tell you how to do something and its up to you to use your common sense to not fall off the cliff or whatever. Theres no one pouring water on the floor of supermacs over here making a claim.

The main course arrived yesterday. The town at the base of Machu Piccu, Aguas Calientes, is far and away the nicest town in Peru. Its got nice hotels and restaurants and all mod cons. I'd forgot what that was after all the rest of the crappy towns I seen. We set off at 4 am to trek up the mountain and I have to say it was brutal. It was cold, raining and the steps were just killer. They are rocks laid down so there is no uniform size and the longest stretch of steps not broken up by windy road up is the last bit and it nearly broke me. In summary, take the bus. But in fairness it was all worth while to see Machu Piccu. I cant remember what age I was in primary school when I first seen it in a history lesson but it was a real thrill to see it up close after all those years. To think of the hardship they must have went through to make it was unbelievable. There wouldnt be a household without a major book publishing contract to tell their stories. In fairness its actually a really nice town and once it warmed up around 10 it was gorgeous with the weather and the views were stunning. The Inca's might have been engineering experts and what not but they like an ould view out the kitchen window too after a hard days slog. It started to get busy so I left just after lunch - stupid lamo tourists and their stupid comfortable buses. At least my feet had honest, pride giving blisters and superior moral aches and pains, that'll show them.

Anyways back in Cusco now and have to organise a trip onto LA Paz via Copacabana on Lake Ticitaca. I'll call in and see how Lola is getting on in the showgirl business.

Hasta Luego

Ultan

Greetings, salutations and peace to the nations

Hello there

This is my blog, Ive never seen a blog so I presume its like this. I will be updating this over the next few weeks charting my progress around South America so if youre interested/bored/etc please have a look and hopefully enjoy. The previous Holiday posts are included below to give you an idea

As always I value your complaints and negative feedback so please forward all related correspondance to whogivesafuck@idont.com

This is your intrepid correspondent

Ultan

Africa - Livingstone I presume

Muli shani

Greetings from Livingstone in Zambia peoples. I've been here at the falls the last 2 days and I'm just gathering up me bags and baggage to head off to the airport later. Cramming too much stuff into a bag - it must be my favorite part of any holiday. Lisa I promise not to kill your bag after I lost half of it last year!

We got to see a load of animals on the cruise in Chobe National Park. There was a ton of elephants and hippo's and they are very relaxed with the boats around them as we could pull right up to them for photo's and they barely bothered to acknowledge us. There was a lot of birds and that kind of stuff that pleased the Germans on Board no end - whats with them and their stamp collections and fascination with the generally dull stuff on holiday.

We headed for the border to Zambia on Tuesday morning and we had a fairly smooth crossing considering all things as it only took us about 90 to cross by ferry whereas another tour group we met told us they were waiting 3 hours to cross when we arrived. Its a beautiful system they have here at the border crossings. Theres a clear hierarchy system that goes something like whites in jeeps, blacks in cars, tour company trucks followed by the lowest of the low truck drivers. Theres this big made argument everytime the ferry comes in which is every 5 minutes and all the truckers do be giving out stink about all the smaller cars/trucks getting ahead of them. All the cops there are just looking off into the distance daydreaming about how they will spend their "compensation" from the white folk for skipping in. At least one truck barges on each ferry and then we go through the process all over again.

For some odd reason Irish passport holders dont have to pay the $50 fee at the border which was nice, I think we are the only country outside of africa that applies to so apparently those missionary's did some good. We got a tour of Victoria Falls pretty much as soon as we landed in Livingstone which was just after lunch. It is amazing to see up close. Apparently its 10.5 million cubic litres per second falling in and we got a right drenching walikng around. Theres this permanent rainbow in the valley from all the spray and at certain points its a full circle if you squint your eyes. The town of Livingstone is your typical busy african town. Its one big long street of shops and markets and its nice to walk around in. We went back yesterday to the falls to watch one of the lads do the bungy off the bridge by the falls and I was glad I had done the skydive cause I nearly had a heart attack looking at it.

So thats all from me for now. Hope you enjoyed the emails and maybe you might be wandering these parts some day yourself and we can compare notes. This is your intrepid african correspondent Ultan Dillon signing off.

peace, love and sunscreen

Ultan alikuwaafrica

Africa - A man walks down the street

A man walks down the street
It's a street in a strange world
Maybe it's the Third World
Maybe it's his first time around

Howzit and Dumelang

Greetings from Botswana y'all. I've finally hit the heat again after a few days rain and overcast conditions but by the sounds of it I'm still trumping the weather at home by a long way, whats goin on there? Sort it out or I will buy that can of whoopass they have so cheap here.

I think I've finally hit what I had in my mind as Africa. The bottom 2 thirds of Naminia is all white folk farms dotted every few hundred miles but here in the North its very much where the original Namibians live and its much more lively for it. After we left Etosha National Park we headed just out the road to a San bushman camp. They were the nomadic tribes who used to roam the planes surving off the dessert plants. They used to live in Etosha National Park until the goverment kicked them out and so we went to where they were moved which is a very remote mud hut village surrounded by scrub. Their dress sense can only be described as "liberal" and when our guide came to do the tour with us wearing only a animal skin type speedo I couldnt help think of the waynes world quote and yes it was a trifle unnecessary to see the crack in the San bushmans bottom!

They should us around their village and the surrounding wood showing us methods they had to find water from plants and medicines from the roots and such like. May I just point out it was no thrill to see the womens tits, they had nipples like the tops of baby bottles and I mean literally, I guess porn mags probly arent a big seller in this part of the world. We went back to camp for dinner and they got out the guitar and I played them some tunes which highly amused them. They did chant "one more tune" which I thought was a nice touch. We got talking to 2 of the techers in the local school who werent too full of high praise. They told us they are all on goverment pensions and they dont have to do anything for it. Apparently all they do is sit around getting drunk and making babies which you can understand to a degree, why do something difficult when its all handed on a plate. Apparently the tribe have no ambition or desire to even leave the village but
the only way forward he could suggest was that they totally change who they are which explains at least the old folks attitude. The only future they have is to conform and act like everyone else which is sad really but such is life.

We headed on to a town called Rundu towards the Botswanan border and this was Africa as I expected. The town is right on the Angolan border so it is really buzzing with people and they are all black! How bout that. Its a real typical town in that although its mad busy and hectic actually buying things or going to an atm is the slowest thing in the world. They are all so laid back they are practically horizontal. I qued for 15 minutes at one atm and just abandoned it as people were just there talking in the que and others would wander up and use it and then there were security guards intent on having a full blown conversation with everyone that used it. You just have to take a deep breath and say T.I.A - this is Africa. You'll go mad otherwise.

We crossed over into Botswana there last week for a 2 night stay in the Okavango Delta and it was amazing. After all the desert and prairies and just general land we had covered it was amazing to see this huge swamp area in the middle of it all. The river begins as usual up in a mountain but instead of going to the see it just stops and seeps into and under the desert. Come to think of it, it probly just cant be arsed to go all the way to the sea. We got these wood carved boats called Makoro's poled by the locals out to the islands to bushcamp our first night. The guide was telling us that as there was no fence to keep the animals out if we went to go to the toilet at night we needed to flash our torches to see if there were any lions, cheetahs, elephants etc and if so to return immediately to our tents. I was just thinking if I get up to use the toilets and I see said animal looking back at me as I get out of the tent I will do the toilet in me pants
there and then no problems. Luckily there were no such instances but we could here the hiipo's in the water a good bit and the occasional growl from I dont want to think what.

We went for a safari walk the next morning at 6am and unfortunately we saw nothing bar a few birds. The guide looked disappointed so he tried showing us all the different animal shit to prove they were knocking around, I was reminded of the optimist joke of the kid who wakes up christmas morning to horseshit and thinks he got a horse. Anyway we headed to another island which was far more comfortable. They had permanent tents there with beds in it which is what I imagined I would be staying in the whole holidy, ah well at least I did see one so I know I'm not crazy. The bar had a hammock and I'm not joking you I'd still be there if we didnt have to leave. Theres just something about lying in a hammock sipping a beer that says "fuck off world, I'm on holiday"

But alas leave we did and back on to the ferry with two motorbike engines to ferry us and our large truck and 40 odd Botswanians (?) across the river. I was nearly as scared as the skydive when we pulled out of the "harbour", I was convinced the truck would topple. It didnt. I'm ok. Before you ask. We spent one more night in Namibia and we're back in Botswana at a real swanky resort. We're only in the campsite but having white skin is like carrying a gold club credit cred, ain't nobody gonna give me shit! Isnt stereotypical racism great sometimes! Anyway I'm off on a cruise this eveing to see some hippo's, elephants, aligators and what have you. I've seen 3 of the big 5 so who knows I might catch the other 2 before I leave.

Hope everyone is well and enjoying the Easter break. I was well looking forward to a nice chocolate Ice cream yesterday but of coarse we hit the one shop (probly not just that one) that has none. If only Jesus could relate to my pain.....

Laters

Africa - I've watched the rains down in Africa

It's gonna take a lot to take me away from you
There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do
I bless the rains down in Africa
Gonna take some time to do the things we never have

Greetings All

As most of you will be delighted to know not only is that line a quote of a classic choon by toto but also I have unfortunately seen the rain down in Africa but more of that later.

Its been a quite few days this last week in comparrisson to the first week in that I havent fell out of any canoes and/or planes this week but I'll try to buff it up to make it sound as entertaining as I can. The day after we left ze efficient German town of Swakupmond we headed up the coast north to a place called Cape Cross which also happens to be one of the biggest seal colonies in the world and let me tell you that within 2 minutes of getting of the bus you can smell for yourself how genuine that claim is! Lots of barking noise too, awful pleasant things they are, I suggest anyone to make a pet of them. Theres a cross there too cause some portugese fella landed there back in the day but he really should have kept going. Its just south of Skeleton coast and needless to say its not the best place to go sailing, very foogy which is surprising as you can see the dunes in the desert from the beach - very eerir place inthe mornings.

Anyway we headed back inland up north to a mountain called Spitzkoppe which bears an uncanny resemblence to the matterhorn if anyone has seen that. We got a walking tour up to this place called bushmans paradise which really was beautiful. It gets flooded every year in the rainy season but its totally enclosed at the top of the mountain so you have this valley at 1200 feet above sea level. We got to see the ancient bushmans cave drawings and although they wouldnt win any Texeco art competitions you had to respect that they had lasted for the odd couple of thousand years - take that crayons. The next day we took a walk around the "town" which consisted of one shop, in which you could get anything from a bar of chocolate to half a truck axel, a few assorted huts/houses, lots of old mercedes on bricks for some reason and a school. We went in thier and took some photos with the kids. They were all mesmorised by the fact they could see themselves in the
digital camera and posed accordingly for 50 gagillion* photo's. I played some footy with the lads as well and as a side note I scored a peach of a half volley but I didnt celebrate too much, I was just happy I could share my skill.

We headed on later towards Etosha National Park and just before we reahed our campsite in the last stover town we saw a Giraffe so that was pretty cool. We happened to reach our campsite to coincide with Namibias Annual Bikers festival. Needless to say they're as rough and rednecked as they are at home. Tattoo's and beer guts and you should have seen the lads wha? We went to the campsite next door but luckily not before getting treated to an all night Karaoke till 3am covering all the hits as lady Gaga's pokerface and other assorted German/Afrikaans hits.

Anyways we arrived at Etosha National Park the next day and we went off for an evening safari in the truck and we got to see a load of stuff like Giraffe, Zebra, Wildebeast, Springbok, Oryx, Ostrich and assorted birds and topped it off with a female lion. The photo's look like any you'd see in a magazine but it is a big thrill seeing them up close and I'm delighted I got to do it. That first night it rained and thundershowered all night so we woke up pitched in a mini lake but at least the tents proved waterproof. The next day we were heading to our next campsite and we got to see a male lion just after he killed a springbok. It was really cool.

I hope thats some more news to keep you's interested. As per the last email you can still forward any complaints to that email address, I have a team set up and waiting to reply in a timely manner. Heard United lost last night. Phil Brown lost his job! Whats the world coming to?

Hope everyone is well.

Laters

Ultan

Africa - Namibia

Howzit goin as they say in these parts

2 issues to clear up, the cc line does not indicate hierarchy in the emails and secondly Monica you are now included, my apologies, theres always one.

Anyways on with the show. I've been in Namibia since last Friday night and its been amazing. I think I'm finally getting used to the whole assembling/sleeping in/disassembling a tent the next morning routine that we are into now but it wasnt easy let me tell you but I figure if its good enough for the likes of Shakleton, Hilary and other notable like minded visionary explorers like meself its good enough for me! The group I'm in is 11 people in total which is half the capacity of the bus which is good as when the sun beems in the windows, which it does everyday, you can sit on the seat nearest the aisle for a little more protection from the sun. The bus is fairly basic, its built more for sturdiness than comfort but seeing how we've done about 800 miles in this first week I guess I'll take that.

The first day we done the Cape of good hope and it was windy as hell but was stunning views, got to see me first Ostrich as well which was nice. We camped the first night in North South Afica - if you get me meaning - and it was baltic but thankfully not a sign of things to come which I intially thought having packed only t-shirts and 1 long sleeve jumper. I was a little under prepared to say the least, I had no pillow or pj's or nothing. I was expecting some colonial style permanent wooden tarpolin tent covered things but it turns out its more the aldi make-it-yourself variety that I've had to become accustomed too. The group are all very well travelled and there are a few heading all the way to Nairobi on this trip which is 45 days in total - and to think of the abuse I got off some of you for taking a mere month! I'm glad I had my holiday last year so I can use the phrase "well when I was in asia....." There are a sound bunch though, I'm the baby of
the group, there all mostly early 30's right up to a couple who are in they're 50's I think.

The day after we arrived in Namibia we went canoeing on the Oranje river which was nice until I capsized and was violently hurtled half a mile down river till I swam to shore, I lived to tell the tale so its all good. We traveled on later that evening to see Fish River Canyon which is the worlds second largest canyon dont you know, very similar to the grand I thought. We got to see the sunset over that which was pretty cool. The next day we headed for the desert which is dry and hot - who knew. I managed not to get burned alive so I'm happy with that. We got up the next morning at 5.30am to see the sun rise over the dunes which was amazing and running down the side of a dune is really good fun, I recomend! We got a tour of the desert by an san bushman after that who talked in the click language which I thought was hilarious. He kept doing the ali G finger snap thing which kept me highly amused, the factual stuff was entertaining too, apparently they
dance to digest there food - I suppose thats why theres lots of fat white men, prbly be me one day come to think of it

We did a bush camp 2 nights ago so I got to sleep out under the stars which wasnt as bad as I thought. The lads from intrepid kept on messing that there would be wild animals roaming around but I didnt come across any so thank jebus for that. We arrived in this German resort town yesterday and it is very vell organised, all ze straze are in ze best efficient order and ze crais is mighty! I did me skydive yesterday and I have a dvd you're all going to enjoy - I was sweating like jill dando trying to get the key in the lock! Shouted for Ireland though and I had me kildare jersey on  so I kept it real ffor my homies in Cill Dara yo yo. I went sandboarding this morning which was crap doing the stand up one but great fun doing the slide on your belly on a piece of plywood - I got 63kph on me 2 runs!

Anyways thats all for now, the internet coverage here is crap so it'll probly be another week before you here from me. Heard Ireland got beat in the 6 nations by Scotchland - WTF?  Hope your all keeping well. there is a few postcards on the way, I didnt get everyone so if you have any complaints please forward them to whogivesafuck@Idont.com

laters

Ultan